KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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