you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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