So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize