Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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