Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My balls are so social today.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
