Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize