Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
