my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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