Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
