woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
