Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
