the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I still have a little drunk in my system
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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