I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
