he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
