Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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