And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
