So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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