And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
