You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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