so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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