so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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