What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
