Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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