So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
