There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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