no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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