I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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