I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You may now shotgun with the bride
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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