I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
