French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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