Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize