Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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