My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
