What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
