No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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