It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
