You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
