I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
