come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
