Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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