I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
