you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
