i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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