Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
