I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
