I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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