oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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