Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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