i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
