Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
