Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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