its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
