I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
