i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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