the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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