The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
