yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
