I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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