Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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