I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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