and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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