lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
