Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
