I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize