I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
ok first of all what the fuck
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
