What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I love you. Go after that dick
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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