Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
